I feel alone

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Hello. Straight to the point, has anyone made mistakes via RCs and had a long drought that followed? When I say mistakes, I mean life changing, negative and lasting consequences.

I went from being about 15, and smoking a lot of weed. I eventually was smart enough to upgrade to RCs (Etizolam) before they gained so much tuburlance.

I essentially rushed through my mid and late teens with RC use, and it made my life so much better. Along that journey, I made a few mistakes and for the past 3 years and a few more years I am suffering legal consequences.

This isn’t a topic in right or wrongs, mistakes or not; I just feel weird and kind of alone, muted that I haven’t and can’t use substances like I used to. I went through a haze of so many good moments with RCs… with consequences as well. But I just feel so, ah it’s hard to describe. Something impactful is missing from my life. I am no longer the cool and exotic person I used to be.

I just want to know if other people have gone through long, looongg periods where they couldn’t use RCs and such. Abstaining from them is easy, something I take pride in; something a lot of people can’t. The memorys, and the fact that things aren’t the same anymore bothers me. Maybe some “veterans” can chime in on there story of loosing one of your happinesses, and returning to it when the time is right. As I was told, there’s a time and a place for everything.

I know I’m doing the right thing… but I feel left out.

Find other hobbies. Start working out, learn a new instrument, start slow cooking. Make art, learn logic pro x, start making slaps. Start drawing, start painting, start knitting, join a sports team/club, go to bars go to restaurants, meet new people, go on backpacking trips, build a PC, build a crossbow, channel your passion about drugs into ACTUAL research, take a neuroscience course, study pharmacology, write a fucking book.

There are infinite possibilities for you. I know you’ll find your happiness

Not op but this is really amazing advice. Really it seems like op has some enthusiasm that has been channelled into RC’s instead of a more traditional path, something I can relate to.

I am no longer the cool and exotic person I used to be.

You thought you were cool for taking random drugs ? Drugs are not a replacement for a personality. I think the real mistake you did is starting taking drugs at a young age, when you are supposed to be trying to find who you are. This of course is a process that never really ends, but during the teenage years it is specially important to be active in finding yourself. everything is felt so intensely, and it impacts the way you see the world arguably forever. People that start heavy drug use as a teenager, more often than not end up building their personality around that. Which seems to be the case for you.

On the bright side, it’s never too late for most things. Pick a hobby and get serious about it. Find your interest in things other than drugs. If you were truly “cool and exotic” then drugs would just be a part of it, not the reason behind that. Drugs are just a commodity, a consumer good.

So try becoming a cool person. Work on yourself. Actually do things. You are not cool for taking a drug. Literally anyone can do it.

EDIT: I hope I didn’t come off as harsh, I truly wish you the best in rediscovering yourself.

I feel personally attacked lol. Started using RCs when I was 16. Now 10 years and a failed long-term relationship later, I’m trying to figure out who I am.

But I think “finding yourself, and becoming cool” is a dead-end too. I have so many solo hobbies, interests, and skills apart from drugs. Yet I still feel empty.

It’s all about human connection. Find a group of people and do stuff with them. Create shared experiences.

Live fast die young…. fuck that. Our time is limited, when you will be 25 youll look back and realize you are no exception, you get old and the past seems just like a bad dream. Stop fucking yourself and find meaning, your passion, love for something no one else thought to get good at. It’s a great time to be alive

I’m not really that equipped to answer this, but these are my thoughts on one part you said:

This reads like a kind of existential question to me. You (probably) can’t re-experience anything the way it was the first time or first few times. I think it seems more intense for drugs, because drug highs are so intense, yet seem so easy to experience. In reality, they often become less intense over time, or are at least different experiences each time, or, like you, you have to stop using for various reasons. This is something you have to deal with, or you will be disappointed. This is why you should search for new experiences that aren’t only RC’s, and try to separate yourself from your past experiences. You are always changing and your experiences are always changing too.

I just got back into my passions. Benzo addiction/ RCs totally rob you of any creativity. I started painting again and writing music…. going to the gym and working out. Honestly so much of it is mental. A lot of it is fucked up and you will go through some turmoil unless your taper is spot on (it’s not as bad if you follow the ashton manual).

I started eating healthy, going for walks and tapering to a really low dose to where I felt very little of the benzo. I’m still tapering but it’s not like it was before where I was a robot. Once you start tapering down and regain that smell of fresh air things start to look up again. There are good days and bad days. Have both. Do something you love and then try not to have a bad day, but every day isn’t going to be good.

Anyway, you will make it through to the other side and love life again. RCs are not going to permanently screw you over. You have time to get your life back on track and be happy. I’ve been where you are… still sorta am but all comes with time. You will be okay

I’m not sure of your age, but as you get older you get wiser. You start to realize things and mature in a very….. awesome…. for lack of better word way. Being young including 20’s is tough. It seems like the world expects a lot from you. Find what makes you happy and all I can tell you is to ride out the wave of negativity. Don’t take any pharm drugs if possible. Take natural herbs and explore nature, etc.

As you age, you will start seeing that all the RCs are meant for research and you will get off them. It will be a longish process depending on how deep you were into them. Just take it day by day and find what makes you happy in life. Go to a counselor/career counselor and come up with a life plan. These will make you feel better as you progress as a human being. Soon it will be behind you. Good luck, nothing lasts forever.. I have faith in you!

You are not alone, man.

Stopping RC (especially benzo) is not “as easy” as you said.

When they become a part of your life, you may experience strong depression while abstaining of them (not counting the withdrawal)

You should try to see a therapist (not a psychanalist or a psychiatrist, something like Gestalt for ex: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gestalt_therapy or any therapy that focus on your behavior and emotions)

Especially if you feel that something is missing in your life.

Sometimes, a “drug” period is a way (not the best one, but sh.t happens) to hide yourself from something in your life.

Seeing a professional can be a real help, you may find out what was the meaning of this period in your life, and enjoy your whole person again.

A lot of us went to that road…. for different reasons, but you’re not alone.

Keep the faith in yourself, tomorrow is another day.

Edit: To answer one of your question, yes, I had to stop RC ( Psych) and Weed for almost 2.5 years. I was feeling strong de-personalization all the time, a massive depression, no more will to live, paranoia… to summarize, I crashed on the floor pretty hard due to a 2 years Psych RC binge.

Therapy helped me a lot to re-build myself, and get back on the ground.

I can imagine and I can relate. It’s often so hard to keep gains in being genuine and being your better self, but you need to try and try and not resign.

Best wishes, I suggest you look into practicing that mediation and mindfulness stuff. Because that’s the drug effect you probably need the most. Saves us mistakes.

So how long do you need to abstain from all this sweet stuff?

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